I don't know what it means about his ability as a basketball analyst, but it took me about 30 games to notice that after years of sucking up to Kobe and reporting imaginary trades, Jack Haley was missing from the Laker pre and post game show. I must admit, when I finally did realize Jack and his Comet were missing I got a little sad, I mean, how often can you say that your local basketball analyst was not only nicknamed "the human victory cigar" for his crucial role on the Chicago bulls as a garbage time specialist, but is also considered the only man that Dennis Rodman really trusts. Ever since that fateful night when I realized Billy Mac's sidekick was African-American and therefore couldn't possibly be Jack, I have wondered why he was gone and what he was doing instead. Of course, due to his immense popularity world-wide, hundreds of rumors about J-Hal have been flying around the Internet. Unfortunately, I could only find two of them, Google must not have been working or something. It was reported that Jack doesn't know why he was let go, and it was also reported that he was fired after an afternoon tea misunderstanding.
These stories though, don't shed the type of light on the story that I need to feel comfortable. So I came up with some theories of my own. Based on his unabashed love for Kobe, it occurred to me that maybe Kobe lost interest in Jack, and Jack, so hurt by Kobe's refusal to grant him pregame interviews during which Jack could complement Kobe's suit, sunglasses, hairdo, tattoos, jewelery and house keys, that Jack left Lakers Live and has spent the last few months eating Digiornos and watching replays of The 81 Game. Plausible as that theory is, there is one inherent problem, Kobe is extremely proud of his house keys and could never stay mad at someone who gave him dap for his exquisite taste in key metal. So that brought me to another, even more likely theory.
Jack, known as Dennis Rodman's Babysitter in his days with the bulls, could have been in some sort of "Dennis Rodman Incident", after which some Sacramento King's dancers type photos surfaced around FSN headquarters leading to Jack being quietly "let go" and leading Jack to a life of getting Kobe's voicemail and reliving that one time he scored a basket.
As for what actually happened to Jack, we may never know, but what we do know is that Carlos Boozer still has not been traded to the Lakers...Jack you are missed.
